I accidentally had phone sex last night
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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