I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
