I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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