Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
