Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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