I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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