the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
