He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
