I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
