why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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