Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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