Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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