If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just invented taco cereal.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
