I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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