Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
