This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
