this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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