I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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