I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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