your thong is hanging out like whoa
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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