He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
