I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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