sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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