I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
