Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
