They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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