hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Floor bacon is actually really good
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
