Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
