oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Randomize
