you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
