Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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