his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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