im about as happy as oj after his trial
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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