too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
