You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
