i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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