Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
