I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
