I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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