We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
