Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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