is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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