So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
