Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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