My room smells like vodka and shame
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
