My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
