Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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