i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ok first of all what the fuck
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
