:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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