Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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