i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
