sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize