I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
