Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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