Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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