nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
