Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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