His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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