my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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