from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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