woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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