The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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