So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
