quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
