I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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