dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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