Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
