I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
