I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
