I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
