You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
